why are guys such absolute jerks??guys anywhere jus think that they can order around their women to do what ever dey want...
even after all the fight for equality&the advent of so-called feminism..the men seem to be still living in the stone age...
especially the indian men...even now after the women have come out of their houses& find jobs&start earning .....the medieval mindset of the people has not changed one bit..
it wstill continues to be the same way ..infact it seems to get worse since the men not only expect the women to do the household work
but they also expect the women to work and earn money..apart from doin the work..
the girls are also expected to act &behave as the society expects them to..if they behave any differently ,they will be branded as loose and will be shunned by the society..
A MAN CAN DO ANYTHING HE WANTS AND GET AWAY WITH IT>>HE CAN BE AS PROMISCUOUS AS HE WANTS BUT IF A WOMEN DOES THE SAME SHE WILL BE LABELLED A PROSTITUTE...
why is there such a double standard when we are all the same??
guys can be such jerks..
so goes the saga of men and women
we cannot live without them... we cannot live with them..
this is the story of the human race!!!

Sexism in Centres of Higher Learning

Reading about Palash Sen's blatant, sexist remarks in IIT Bs fest mood indigo, reminded me of my own days and experiences that triggered me to become a feminist.
http://entertainment.in.msn.com/bollywood/palash-sen-in-soup-over-sexist-remarks#tscptmf

Nobody is born a feminist, we all become one after facing the world and seeing how biased it is against women, im pretty sure that if the same Bias was against men, All men would have become "Meninst" or some similar term. What is Feminism? the simple belief that Men and women are equal, and since we live in patriarchal societies, it translates into equal opportunities for both sexes. Unfortunately, how that is interpreted by most men is that they have to give up their power, for women to be given equal opportunities. Which in a way is true, Because women have all been suppressed by men in patriarchal societies for generations and men have been dominating over women, If women were treated as equal and had equal opportunities, then they will be perceived as a threat to men, everywhere, but especially in a Male dominated Areas. A lot of professions have been taken up by women, but most men try to discourage women from pursuing Traditionally Male- dominated Professions which involve heavy Physical work. But there is another Sphere where women haven't been allowed much progress- The Academia or centers of Higher Learning.Why is it that the hallowed portals of higher Education like IITs and IIMs have very few women? The answer lies in the 1st Statement of this Blog.
The Sexism.
When i had joined as a 1st year student in one of the best medical colleges in the country.I wasnt prepared for it. And it hits you, Slaps you and embarrasses you Till you either become immune to it or you start Fighting Against it or a combination of both, which is what happens to most girls-women (mind you, we were just 17-18 year olds). What happened? If you are a guy reading this, you  will trivialize it or defend it saying its nothing personal. An SMS reading" 90% of the girls are beautiful, The rest of the 10% are in my class" is absolutely Derogatory in many ways.
It says that a women Should look beautiful and looks are everything
Why is the beauty of a woman being discussed and not that of a man?
What gives you a right to comment on somebody's beauty without their permission?What about your looks?, have you ever stopped and looked at yourself in the mirror to establish whether you are handsome or not?
This may be a minor incident, but it had a huge impact on my psyche, But there are so many incidences, Like the professor who looks at you inappropriately while explaining concepts, or the classmate who talks to your boobs, or the professor who will give a lecture on how women should, dress, act and behave, or all those insinuations that you wont be able to do justice to your work because you are a "woman".But such incidences happening everyday over a long period of time leave you disgusted with the System.
If you are one of those few women who has studied or are in an Institute of higher Learning, you probably have already faced all of this and more, And you either learn to live with it, laugh along with it or you start fighting it. Most intelligent women will do the latter, and it takes such a toll on your mental health that at some point you just give up. And that is the reason why there are such few women in Academia.

An Open letter to all the Bride Hunters out there

The Arranged marriage system in India has strange ways of working.
 I have always heard of "inquiry" calls, that ask you about the character of someone or someones daughter, either at work or in the neighbourhood, for Suitability for an Arranged marriage.
Today, i got to experience one of those calls first hand, My first instinct was to give that person a long lecture on how it is demeaning to the person about whom the inquiry was being done, But it was socially inappropriate so i mumbled something and cut the call.
But what i couldnt say there, I am going to say it here.
"If you do want to go for an arranged marriage, or are Bride/Groom hunting for your child.
Please don't ever make an "inquiry" call. Its demeaning to yourself and the person you are inquiring about.
Granted,that you need to find out the suitability with the said person, But how are you going to find out your suitability by making "inquiry" calls? how will they help you? what is their purpose?
Most of the present generation of the Indian middle class are all decently educated, have modern values, and even if they don't, they have studied and worked in mixed groups of Men and women, So they shouldn't be awkward about meeting and interacting with a person of the opposite sex. And they probably have friends of the opposite sex too. If you make a vague "inquiry" from someone, you will only know a Third person account, which may or may not be true. You will never know your compatibility and suitability in a marriage.
A better option would be to request a personal interview with the other person,And i don't mean one of those demeaning "Bride-seeing" ceremonies either, thats even worse. What you should go for is a one-on-one meeting, or Call or text. Where you can candidly discuss your plans and ambitions and ideals.
 That way, you will not only get to know the other person better but also find out your compatibility with each other if you do decide to get married. It is actually not easy to do that with our conservative society, parents and mindsets. But this is no longer the medieval times, where parents decide and you get married docilely. We need to convince our parents to agree to a text or a phone call at the very least to know the other person better.
Times have changed, and We need to change accordingly."
p.s:- And if you think you wanna make one of those "inquiry" calls about me, DONT EVEN THINK OF IT!!

On the streets we fight!!

"You are walking on a crowded footpath when suddenly you feel a hand rubbing against your derriere"

"Standing in a crowded bus,whenever the bus brakes,a male body rubs against you for longer than acceptable"

"You are at the tailor giving your measurements when the tailor accidentally touches your boobs and lingers there"

If you are a woman living in India,chances are that you have been groped in public at-least once in your life.Reality is that we are so used to being groped that we are always prepared for it.

Our initiation into this mode of living starts pretty early.Even as children,little girls not old enough to understand the implication of molestation and sexual abuse,we could make out the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touch.At first you do not understand how or why it happened.But in most cases we dont know what to do about it,so we let it be.Then as we start growing older and more aware of ourselves and our bodies,the incidence of such instances suddenly increases,maybe because we have become more aware or maybe because these predators like to prey on vulnerable adolescents who may not fight back.At first you are too shocked to know how to react in such situations,along with a mix of embarrassment and shame,believing that "you" as a young woman have done something to attract the unwanted attention of passing males.

As we grow older,more independent and more confident,you learn to gradually dodge those groping hands,shield your body from the accidental touches by using our hands,books,bags etc as a physical barrier.You learn to avoid crowded places if possible.You learn to hit back,elbowing or poking those hands away.
And as you become more confident, you realize that you cannot let the perpetrator get away with it,you start shouting,slapping,creating a scene so that you embarrass him and shame him, Hoping that he learns his lesson, hoping that he wont repeat it again to somebody else, either for fear of retaliation or something else.

In the context of discussions about how India has become unsafe for women following the brutal gang-rape of a woman in delhi, one must realize that India has always been unsafe for women,but what has changed is that women are not accepting it silently anymore,we have become more vocal about our rights,our right to freedom,our right to our bodies,and our right to retaliate.

While it is imperative that there is a need for change in mindset of males in our patriarchal society,we must also realize that we, as women should also keep fighting, not just in the courts but also on the streets everyday,everywhere, whenever we encounter these incidences of groping and molestation,we should fight back immediately,we should raise a hue and cry, hit back, embarrass them till they stop doing it.
Only then will we be able to stop the bigger crimes, because our Silence is their biggest weapon. If we keep fighting back for the smaller things will we be able to prevent them from doing the bigger crimes against women.

Is Dark Beautiful?

When i was a small girl,my mom used to jokingly call me "Black girl", though she said it jokingly,i sensed a disappointment in her voice whenever she said it..

My mom and my brother were fair whereas i was a dusky and i guess not a "cute" kid. Sometimes i would ask her why she called me a "Black girl" and she would lovingly say that i was "black beauty".

The only black beauty i knew was a horse by the same name in my 4th grade lessons, which had a tragic story.

As i grew up further,my brother would constantly tease me calling me ugly,and dark. He had once even said that i was so "ugly" that even "make-up" would not help me. I don't think he meant for that remark to have any lasting impression on me,but it did.

I grew up believing myself to be dark,fat,short and ugly and not worthy. And that there was no scope for me as a woman,in a patriarchal society which believed that Dark is ugly and Fair is Beautiful.
And So, i believed that my only scope for success was to use my brains, 

But even back then, i knew that i had to prove myself as worthy,so i studied hard, I just kept studying till i joined medical school.
I never did anything to make me look or feel beautiful, no Make-up, no fair and lovely, Nothing!!
Because i believed that i am so ugly that nothing would have helped me..
But, I was wrong

So, i was surprised when, in the 1st year of my med-school, one of my classmates,another girl,told me that i was beautiful!!
ME??BEAUTIFUL?!?

At First,i thought she was just being nice to me but at the Back of my mind i was wondering if she was just teasing me, But she reassured me that i was, indeed Beautiful, not in the conventional way, But Beautiful, Nevertheless..

And, So, Over the years i have come to realize that i was, Infact, beautiful!!
Beautiful in my own way

I had realized that beauty was indeed in the eyes of the beholder

When i saw myself as beautiful,i felt beautiful,

Only if i loved me just that way i am, would i be able to appreciate myself

Beauty is not about how fair i was or how tall i was or how graceful i was,it was simply about loving myself just the way i am!!

Now,Im a dusky, short, sexy, cute and intelligent woman,who loves and appreciates me for myself.
I dont need anybodys validation for believing in Myself.

P.s - My mom loves me a lot,and years later,she confided in me that the reason she was worried about me being dark was because,darkness is associated with "lower caste",and people would know i was from a lower caste because of my skin colour.

The lost little girl

She came to us with a black eye,and she would flinch whenever any male approached her.

She was around 12-13 but looked much younger because she was malnourished.

She was accompanied by two police women,who dint know anything about her,she was another girl in their juvenile/remand home.

Many of us tried to talk to her but she wouldnt cooperate with anyone,finally,i soothed her and spoke to her,maybe it was my voice,maybe it was my compassion,i dont know,but she slowly opened up,she couldnt remember much of her life,she couldnt remember her name,but she told me that she used to life with her parents and 2 younger brothers,,she told me she used to go to school but she stopped going,she said her house was in reay road,but she couldnt remember how she got here,she wanted to go home but she couldnt remember where her house was,and she kept repeatedly telling the same things ,she hugged me and she wouldnt let go of me.

The police women who accompanied her were also intently listening to her,because even they were hearing this information about her for the first time!!

All they could tell me was that she was raped!

She had been so traumatised that she lost all her memory!

We dint know how this little girl ended up in a remand home..

Was she kidnapped,was she lured or was she sold?

Either way,there was no way of returning her to her home unless she could remember..

Physically,she had a few bruises,and was given treatment,but emotinally and mentally,she was lost!!

I wish i could help her,but i couldnt think of anything to help her,all i could do was pray that her memory returns and she returns to her parents..

All my life i have faced discrimination of all sorts, sexism, regionalism and casteism. Each of them equally disturbing with different reactions at different times sometimes it leaves you seething, but mostly it leaves you deeply disheartened.
what can you really say when you are not even given a chance to say anything??when you are judged even before you are given a chance to prove yourself??
despite being a woman from a lower caste in a third world country (india), I have been privileged to have understanding parents, who raised me up as an equal, with good education, and the right to make my own decisions.I call it a privilege because, what is considered by many as a basic human right,is something that not many can even dream of, forget about ever achieving it!!
yet, here i am, complaining the i am being discriminated against, do i have a right to complain?
yes,definitely, according to the law. but in a country like india, the law and is different from what is being followed in reality