Sexism in Centres of Higher Learning

Reading about Palash Sen's blatant, sexist remarks in IIT Bs fest mood indigo, reminded me of my own days and experiences that triggered me to become a feminist.
http://entertainment.in.msn.com/bollywood/palash-sen-in-soup-over-sexist-remarks#tscptmf

Nobody is born a feminist, we all become one after facing the world and seeing how biased it is against women, im pretty sure that if the same Bias was against men, All men would have become "Meninst" or some similar term. What is Feminism? the simple belief that Men and women are equal, and since we live in patriarchal societies, it translates into equal opportunities for both sexes. Unfortunately, how that is interpreted by most men is that they have to give up their power, for women to be given equal opportunities. Which in a way is true, Because women have all been suppressed by men in patriarchal societies for generations and men have been dominating over women, If women were treated as equal and had equal opportunities, then they will be perceived as a threat to men, everywhere, but especially in a Male dominated Areas. A lot of professions have been taken up by women, but most men try to discourage women from pursuing Traditionally Male- dominated Professions which involve heavy Physical work. But there is another Sphere where women haven't been allowed much progress- The Academia or centers of Higher Learning.Why is it that the hallowed portals of higher Education like IITs and IIMs have very few women? The answer lies in the 1st Statement of this Blog.
The Sexism.
When i had joined as a 1st year student in one of the best medical colleges in the country.I wasnt prepared for it. And it hits you, Slaps you and embarrasses you Till you either become immune to it or you start Fighting Against it or a combination of both, which is what happens to most girls-women (mind you, we were just 17-18 year olds). What happened? If you are a guy reading this, you  will trivialize it or defend it saying its nothing personal. An SMS reading" 90% of the girls are beautiful, The rest of the 10% are in my class" is absolutely Derogatory in many ways.
It says that a women Should look beautiful and looks are everything
Why is the beauty of a woman being discussed and not that of a man?
What gives you a right to comment on somebody's beauty without their permission?What about your looks?, have you ever stopped and looked at yourself in the mirror to establish whether you are handsome or not?
This may be a minor incident, but it had a huge impact on my psyche, But there are so many incidences, Like the professor who looks at you inappropriately while explaining concepts, or the classmate who talks to your boobs, or the professor who will give a lecture on how women should, dress, act and behave, or all those insinuations that you wont be able to do justice to your work because you are a "woman".But such incidences happening everyday over a long period of time leave you disgusted with the System.
If you are one of those few women who has studied or are in an Institute of higher Learning, you probably have already faced all of this and more, And you either learn to live with it, laugh along with it or you start fighting it. Most intelligent women will do the latter, and it takes such a toll on your mental health that at some point you just give up. And that is the reason why there are such few women in Academia.

An Open letter to all the Bride Hunters out there

The Arranged marriage system in India has strange ways of working.
 I have always heard of "inquiry" calls, that ask you about the character of someone or someones daughter, either at work or in the neighbourhood, for Suitability for an Arranged marriage.
Today, i got to experience one of those calls first hand, My first instinct was to give that person a long lecture on how it is demeaning to the person about whom the inquiry was being done, But it was socially inappropriate so i mumbled something and cut the call.
But what i couldnt say there, I am going to say it here.
"If you do want to go for an arranged marriage, or are Bride/Groom hunting for your child.
Please don't ever make an "inquiry" call. Its demeaning to yourself and the person you are inquiring about.
Granted,that you need to find out the suitability with the said person, But how are you going to find out your suitability by making "inquiry" calls? how will they help you? what is their purpose?
Most of the present generation of the Indian middle class are all decently educated, have modern values, and even if they don't, they have studied and worked in mixed groups of Men and women, So they shouldn't be awkward about meeting and interacting with a person of the opposite sex. And they probably have friends of the opposite sex too. If you make a vague "inquiry" from someone, you will only know a Third person account, which may or may not be true. You will never know your compatibility and suitability in a marriage.
A better option would be to request a personal interview with the other person,And i don't mean one of those demeaning "Bride-seeing" ceremonies either, thats even worse. What you should go for is a one-on-one meeting, or Call or text. Where you can candidly discuss your plans and ambitions and ideals.
 That way, you will not only get to know the other person better but also find out your compatibility with each other if you do decide to get married. It is actually not easy to do that with our conservative society, parents and mindsets. But this is no longer the medieval times, where parents decide and you get married docilely. We need to convince our parents to agree to a text or a phone call at the very least to know the other person better.
Times have changed, and We need to change accordingly."
p.s:- And if you think you wanna make one of those "inquiry" calls about me, DONT EVEN THINK OF IT!!

On the streets we fight!!

"You are walking on a crowded footpath when suddenly you feel a hand rubbing against your derriere"

"Standing in a crowded bus,whenever the bus brakes,a male body rubs against you for longer than acceptable"

"You are at the tailor giving your measurements when the tailor accidentally touches your boobs and lingers there"

If you are a woman living in India,chances are that you have been groped in public at-least once in your life.Reality is that we are so used to being groped that we are always prepared for it.

Our initiation into this mode of living starts pretty early.Even as children,little girls not old enough to understand the implication of molestation and sexual abuse,we could make out the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touch.At first you do not understand how or why it happened.But in most cases we dont know what to do about it,so we let it be.Then as we start growing older and more aware of ourselves and our bodies,the incidence of such instances suddenly increases,maybe because we have become more aware or maybe because these predators like to prey on vulnerable adolescents who may not fight back.At first you are too shocked to know how to react in such situations,along with a mix of embarrassment and shame,believing that "you" as a young woman have done something to attract the unwanted attention of passing males.

As we grow older,more independent and more confident,you learn to gradually dodge those groping hands,shield your body from the accidental touches by using our hands,books,bags etc as a physical barrier.You learn to avoid crowded places if possible.You learn to hit back,elbowing or poking those hands away.
And as you become more confident, you realize that you cannot let the perpetrator get away with it,you start shouting,slapping,creating a scene so that you embarrass him and shame him, Hoping that he learns his lesson, hoping that he wont repeat it again to somebody else, either for fear of retaliation or something else.

In the context of discussions about how India has become unsafe for women following the brutal gang-rape of a woman in delhi, one must realize that India has always been unsafe for women,but what has changed is that women are not accepting it silently anymore,we have become more vocal about our rights,our right to freedom,our right to our bodies,and our right to retaliate.

While it is imperative that there is a need for change in mindset of males in our patriarchal society,we must also realize that we, as women should also keep fighting, not just in the courts but also on the streets everyday,everywhere, whenever we encounter these incidences of groping and molestation,we should fight back immediately,we should raise a hue and cry, hit back, embarrass them till they stop doing it.
Only then will we be able to stop the bigger crimes, because our Silence is their biggest weapon. If we keep fighting back for the smaller things will we be able to prevent them from doing the bigger crimes against women.